Missing our baby boy

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

Sunday, July 4, 2010

Video Thoughts

I have been thinking a lot about making a video commemorating Brayden’s life. Malory at Every Life Has a Story makes beautiful videos with pictures and music, giving grieving parents something precious to hold onto and to remember their lost child. I thought, I can do this. I can make a video for Brayden.

The more I look into doing this, the more I’m not so sure I can. I can’t look at Brayden’s pictures for long before I just break down. I can’t imagine cropping them, playing with the tint and exposure, making cute backgrounds and adding music.

My hat’s off to Malory, who’s very first video was her daughters. She might be hearing from me if I can’t pull myself together enough to do this.

Sometimes, I think it would be a good project for me to work on. I love the finished product, and admit that I was addicted to watching each video on ELHAS…sometimes repeatedly. Knowing the pain that each parent felt and trying to see some beauty in the awful tragedy that became part of our lives. Feeling connected – if briefly - to someone or something after a trauma that disconnects you from everything you know. It was a comfort in it’s own way, and I’m truly grateful to have had that.

I’m slowly getting closer to making my own. For months I’ve gathered music and quotes that I like. I’ve thought about Brayden’s story, and how I want it told. And then I think…who am I going to show this to? No one. Maybe not even John. To remember our son that way helps me hold on to him, but for John it only intensifies the pain he feels in our loss.

This would be something for me, and me only. I’m getting there.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Dawn. I am here if you ever decide you need me. I can also touch up the pics for you if you wish.

    I also found so much comfort when I watched other babies videos who had passed. I had found them on youtube & would spend hours at a time searching for them. Looking back I find that hard to say comfort because I sobbed at each one..hard & long. But they did bring me comfort in a sense I didn't feel so alone & that there were other families going through the same thing. That did bring me comfort & then started my search to reach out to other moms.

    I am glad ELHAS has helped you on this journey. Even if this video is just for you do it if you feel the urge to. Putting his life together in this way may bring you some healing.